The Reign of the Moon Queen/In Her Eyes, The Stars
It’s been almost month since I wrote my last entry. It has been a quiet time, a time to focus on myself… my health. I had my 5th treatment yesterday and am feeling ok… slightly rough. Its wild and windy outside and a perfect day to be on the couch under a blanket with Sesame curled up on my lap. The wintery days have been filled with sunny walks, tweaking the website and refining the images. I have lost count of the hours spent on each picture but it is well into the hundreds. I examine each image at the pixel level over and over again, its obsessive, but I want each piece to be the absolute very best that I am capable of.
Over the last month, Sydney has been struggling with a particularly hard to control wave of the Delta strain of Covid 19. They have been in lockdown for over a month and each day, we tune in at 11am to hear the state premier give her update to the media. Here at Green Point, we are free of any lockdown, but masks are required when ever you leave the house and you must check in by QR code each time you enter a business or medical centre. Newcastle is also free from lockdown, so Marcie is fine. She was able to get her first vaccination last weekend, but since then, all doses have been redirected to year 12 students in Sydney lockdown so they can get back to finish their last year of school, so no one else can access vaccine. I was going to book for next Friday, but am now unable to. People are very angry.
Treatment was going ahead as planned until three weeks ago. I woke on the Friday, ready to head into the hospital for my 5th dose of 12 when the phone rang. My liver function numbers had spiked again and Dr Giovanna was not happy for me to go ahead with the dose. Instead, she had requested a myriad of extra tests, requiring me to go for another blood test and I was to delay my treatment. It was rescheduled for two Tuesday’s time. Part of me was happy for the break... so much time to feel good - to get things done! The other part was frustrated. I want to get these treatments done. I really want this over by Christmas. At this stage, I will be finishing my radiation in early December.
I met with a lovely lady a few weeks ago. She works with a local organisation to provide wigs for people doing chemo. She met me at the hospital after treatment and we went through a catalogue where she helped me choose a beautiful wig. It arrived a week later with the price tag on it. It was very expensive! The generosity of these foundations are unbelievable. I was given it with nothing to pay. I tried it on at home and felt so happy to be looking in the mirror at my old self (but with better hair).
One of the hardest parts of this time has been the frustration I’ve felt being unable to move forward with the series. Each week, I only have a couple of good days where I’m physically strong enough to do anything. Even then, my capacity is about forty percent. The fatigue affects my brain too. Chemo fog is very real. Most days I can’t think properly - my creativity is gone, hidden under the fog. I spend my days trying to make it happen, but it just won’t.
I had a couple of good days over this stretched out treatment time and decided to create something using what I have around me. It has produced two beautiful images and I’m so excited about them. I decided to create these images as composites. It was interesting to work this way. I had shot with Jess months ago and had so many beautiful raw images from the shoot. I gathered props I had here and photographed them in front a black background on the balcony. Waiting for a cloudy day with soft, flat light, I took my camera on one of our dog walks around the neighbourhood and shot the background - someone’s front yard. I then spent hundreds of hours stitching the pieces together in Photoshop - matching light, shadow and colours.The images turned out beautifully and hold a special place in the series, representing the limits I face at the moment and my triumph over a frustrating situation.
Two weekends ago I was chatting to Marce on the Saturday and she asked if I might be able to visit the next day. I drove down in the morning. I finally got to see her beautiful home and meet her flatmate Georgia. We went for brunch, took the dogs to their favourite park and sat in the carpark at the beach and watched for whales. It was so lovely to spend time with my favourite human in the world.
